Friday, April 27, 2007


I downloaded some wierd porn where everyone wears top-hats. How wierd!
Then the phallic top-hats freaked me out, and I got nothing out of it.

Oh well...

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Get out of my garden

I snapped at a customer today at the fucking place where I work. It was all very pukatronic. But I didn't really snap. I should have. but I have never met such a seriously freaky person before (and that is saying ALOT) so I was too focused on observering her, sort of stricken with flabbergasted fascination.

if you feel that stories without punch-lines or points are stupid, please feel free to find some good porn instead of reading on.

Had a customer. Older woman. Let's call her Kitty Jasmin. Then another woman came, whilst the first woman, kitty Jasmin, was putting her wares in bags. At work this week we had an enormous 10 kroner marked, where everything costs 10 kr. Its amazingly white trash. The second woman (let's call her Freak) had a cart FULL of things, all from this 10 kr marked. Now, for every thing I pulled through the register, she asked me: " What does that register at, how much was that, did it register at 10 kr, because that was what it costs, see here in my shitty brouchure".

ME: Everything that is supposed to cost 10 kr will register at 10 kr, or else I will tell you.
Freak: Okay (pause) but does that register at 10 kr?( And then she just went on as before)

Anyways... Her heap of shitty things to 10 kr started to lean towards the heap of Kitty Jasmin, who, because she is old, use an enormous amount of time to pack her things. And then Freak just SNAPPED!!

Freak: Oh my god, she is stealing from me! She is stealing! See, my things are falling over her things, and she is stealing them from me!
Kitty jasmin: What?? I know what is mine. Of course I am not stealing.
Freak: You are stealing!
Kitty Jasmin:(Is she for real)
Freak:( Looking at her enormous heap of shit) I can tell that a washing brush is missing! You have stolen it! I know you have!

Turns out, Kitty Jasmin had by accident packed a brush that belonged to Freak, and that drove me crazy. Freak made a huuuuuge deal of this, as if it was done on purpose, when it was an honest mistake. It would have been so much more satisfying in Freak making a big fuss about Kitty stealing if she HADN'T been stealing. (I still wonder how Freak managed to spot, from her gazillion things, the magic, missing brush. Anyways)
So, I finish with Freak's wares and I leave the register to go to the bathroom.

Freak: You can't leave.
Me: Why not?
Freak: because that woman has probably stolen more things from me.
Me: .... I think it was only an accident. I mean, its just a lousy brush.
Freak: No, it wasn't an accident! She stole it and she has probably stolen more from me!
Me: Well, what do you want me to do given the very unlikely event that she has "stolen" from you?
Freak: You have to watch my things so I can run after her!
Me: this place is huge and she left a long time ago. You will never find her.
Freak: (scoffing) YOU HAVE TO STAY!
(The prospect of staying there and having to listen to her was simply too much for me)
Me: I have to pee.

When I come back, there is a HUGE, ENORMOUS, TITANIC puddle of juice. Turns out Freak had "by accident" lost a carton of juice. How she managed to make that carton break is beyond me. A carboardcarton doesn't simply break because you lose it and it falls to the floor. My guess is she did this by purpose. The result was, regardless of which it was, that I had to run all over the big place I work to find a mop, then mop up her mess whilst having to listen to her say over and OVER and OVER that Kitty Jasmin had probably stolen more of her things.

Me:(Finally finished with mopping the sticky juice)
Freak: Didn't you bring me another juice?


God, I hate my work!